As a little girl I attended Sunday school at our local Methodist Church. I always have felt close to God and early on believed that following a revealed religion was the only way to be close to him. As I grew older and began to notice the hypocrisy within all revealed religions, I began to question God's existence and whether the whole concept of a great and loving Creator was a man-made lie to control us.
I could not accept the virgin birth of Christ, I could not accept that he was half man, half God, I could not accept that humanity was to be damned eternally if we did not conform to the threats and control of the church. My reason told me that these were conditions imposed by man, not God. How could a supposed God appointed representative in the guise of a priest or pastor, relieve a person of their wrong-doings in his name?
I had so many questions and set myself to ask people of different religions their interpretations of what God is to them through their set of indoctrinated beliefs. Instead of making me feel closer to God, the more I heard the more I felt I could not believe in such a cruel judgmental and vindictive being. He loves you on terms, he judges you constantly, yet he manages to throw out a miracle or two to those lucky enough to be considered worthy by him. Why? How? What about ALL sick children? Don't they all deserve a miracle? My heart was heavy and still I searched. Blood transfusions are wrong, all the dead will rise when Jesus returns? What a mess. No wonder so many dreadful atrocities have been committed in the name of God and Allah. After all, if man can make the rules and then change them to suit the occasion, all the time saying it is the word of God, we have no hope of a united and loving earth.
So I began calling myself "spiritual". I believed in God, but had no category for myself. I believed in being good for the sake of being good, no promise of reward at the end. I believed God gave us Earth and all that pertains to life, and when I looked outside at rain, or a beautiful sunset, or clouds scurrying across the bluest of skies I knew I had truly found Him. I didn't need a building, or a book of myths, or a threat of hell. I didn't need promises of heaven or being controlled by fear and bigotry. I have God in every part of my everyday life, from the birds chirping in the morning, to the wonder of new medical breakthroughs I hear about on the news. I know that God gave us the knowledge and reason and here on earth we can have the heaven we all want.
But I still didn't know about Deism. I didn't know if others thought like me, or if I was alone. I wanted to investigate my kind of "religion" and see if anyone shared my thoughts. It was then I discovered that not only wasn't I alone, but my beliefs had a name. It wasn't a religion, but a sharing of love for God our Creator. No threats, no right or wrong, no ridiculous myths or scaremongering. At last I was at peace. I have found Deism.