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From Pentecostal Christianity and Through Profound Pain to Deism

I am a late-comer to Deism, having only discovered it some five years ago. Only, I wasn't aware of what it was that I found. I was born and reared in a strict fundamental, Pentecostal home. Our lives revolved around church, so it was only natural that I find a local church to attend when I left home. I married, and upon the diagnosis of my first child to Gaucher Disease Type Two, (a rare genetic enzyme disorder), that I returned to a local church, searching for a reason. I thought the answers were to be found through the church. I was told it happened, because of some supposed sin I had committed. At first, I was foolish enough to fall for it. I became heavily involved in church activities, after the diagnosis of my other two children with Gaucher's, and after the death of my first son.

I became confused, between all the miracles written in the Bible, and compared it to my children, believing the dogma taught in the church. Many prayers were said for Jesus to heal my children. Anointed prayer cloths were placed upon my children. I was told to pin the prayer cloths on my children, and to trust, and believe that Jesus was all powerful, to perform miracles of healing. This was in the 1970's, Gaucher's was even more unheard of than it is today. So, I was full of faith, wanting to believe, when I was told my children would be healed, and that they could be a testament to the power of Jesus' name.

With each visit to the doctors, test results were growing more and more negative. I reported this to the church, and the pastor called the congregation around myself, and my children. Bibles were placed upon us, and 'demons' were ordered to come out of my children. I wasn't certain demons were in them, and took offense to this.

One by one, I laid my children to eternal rest, and moved on with my life. When I asked the pastors why weren't my children healed like they all said would happen, I was told I didn't have enough 'faith' to believe in a miracle; therefore, I should not question why the healings never came. To question why God chose to take them, the pastor said was blasphemy, and I should just accept the fact that God knew what was best for my children. I was told God probably knew if they were healed, they might have grown up to be criminals; so it was best this way. I was deeply hurt, and rebelled against those words.

I went on with my life, disclaiming, against everything the church told me, from that point on, although it took years for me to quit, totally. I gradually quit participating in church activities first, by not giving any more money in the offering plate. I began to study the Bible on my own, going from one religion to another, in search of a different point of view. I discovered they all believed in the Bible miracles, without proof outside of the church, and no outside references, that I could check into. I became depressed, and fearful of dying without salvation.

The clincher came for me, one Sunday evening at church, when an altar call was given, as a woman began to "speak in tongues". Since I was sitting in the back, as an observer, trying to get the last ounce of courage to turn my back on my religion, this woman began to say the same phrase over and over. I perked up my ears to what she was saying. The church was as excited as this poor woman, and they believed she was being filled with the Holy Spirit, and I began to chuckle to myself. I suddenly knew her strange words. She was constantly repeating one word, over and over in my Cajun dialect of French. It was then I discovered, this too, is a hoax of false religion. She was saying, "sausage, sausage". I walked out of that church, turning my back on revealed religion, forever. Something wasn't adding up, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I got a computer, hooked up to the internet, (something the pastor didn't want the congregation to do), and I was amazed at the info out there. I took it all with a grain of salt. But one day, as I was studying the American Founders, I chanced upon Thomas Paine's Age of Reason. I couldn't read enough about our Founders, and discovered the majority of them were Deists. It was the first time I had ever heard this word.

My curiosity got the best of me, and I mentally drank in everything about Deism that I could get my hands on. I suddenly realized, I wasn't crazy after all. The questioning I had done through the years was in fact, Deism. It didn't take me long to figure out, after I got the answers to Gaucher's, that Jesus couldn't heal, because it was genetic. I and my ex-husband share a common ancestor, from 300 years ago, and I was not to find this out until 1993. It wasn't sin the children or I committed, but genetics, plain and simple. Finally, putting the loose ends of the puzzle together, helped a great deal to unconfuse my mind. I gradually de-programmed myself of all the unfulfilled teachings of the church that I had been taught. It angered me that none of the church pastors, through those awful years, knew enough about their Bible to tell me the truth.

Connecting my own beliefs of the Creator with Deism has strengthened me, spiritually. I no longer have to fall for half truths. Christianity has failed me, in more ways than one. I no longer need to read a book, that can't be proven outside of its pages to the existence, or divinity of Jesus. All I need to do, is to enjoy the beauty of Creation around me, to know God exists. But, not in the way man would have us believe. When I was a Christian, the Bible was causing me to hold hatred for other peoples, because of what it teaches. I could not reconcile the hatred between those pages, with a loving Creator.

Christianity added much grief to my soul, when my children were on the earth. Deism, has answered all my questions, and has brought the peace I so desperately searched for. I wrote a book, "Mustard Seed Mountain", about my experiences with Gaucher's Type Two, and about the battle I had with my soul, in Christianity. In my book, I credit Deism for my sanity. I looked at that verse in the Bible, of Matthew 17:20, metaphorically, and not as giving credit to Christianity at all.

Today, I see the Creator's handiwork all around me, and I can truly appreciate it for what it really is. Revealed religion separates Creation from the Creator. Each revealed religion claims to have the answers for mankind, and none of them do. It is nothing more than divide and conquer, mass mind control. I will be eternally grateful for finding Deism. Instead of being judgmental, towards someone for their beliefs, I am tolerant and understanding of why they believe the things they do. And when religion comes up in a conversation, I tell them how I found Deism. It is their choice if they choose to look into it, as I have. And if they don't, it's never pushed on them because I know we are all our Creator's children, and Deism is tolerant of all. I too, once was blind, but now I see.

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