All my life I have been pretending to be a Christian because that was the religion I was born into. As I grew and matured I realized too many problems with Christianity. I often thought Jesus was probably misunderstood and his message was garbled over the centuries. So I started to work backwards from where I was and eliminate, in my mind, the ideas I thought were ridiculous or absurd. Before I even heard of Deism I had decided that prayer should only be used to give “Thanks” to the Almighty for granting me the life I was experiencing and felt a sense of guilt when I tried to ask for things. I always wondered, “Why is God being so nice to me when I don't even subscribe to all the ideas in the Bible.”
After the tragic death of my father, I started to look for answers that the Christian religion didn't answer. There were even things in the Bible that made me uncomfortable and angry. That's when I stumbled onto Deism and realized I have been a Deist my whole life and just pretending to be a Christian. It was like I finally found the round peg for the round hole. I found peace with my father's death and I feel like it's okay to talk directly to my father when Christianity doesn't even allow that. At times I think I even feel his presence.
I'm happier as a Deist because it just feels natural.