My name is Paula. I have been a Christian until about three months ago when I started questioning the many misogynist comments in the Bible. I could never understand even as a child why God would curse or dislike me or think less of me for simply being born a woman.
I started doing research on the Adam and Eve story and found that it had its roots in earlier ancient societies that had their own creation story very similar to the Adam and Eve story. I also saw in some of my research that there were other pre-messiahs before Jesus. At first, I refused to click on those websites because I just could not believe my Savior Jesus was not real or true. Jesus loved me and I felt he truly cared for me. But I thought if the Adam and Eve story is a myth, which it really looked like it was, then why would Jesus need to come and save us from our sins.
I also found out through research that there were two different creation stories and neither one made sense. The light and plants being created before the sun, moon and the stars? This makes no sense. How could Adam and Eve sin if they did not know that disobedience was a sin until after they took a bite of the fruit of the knowledge between good and evil. Also, why would a just and loving God curse all of Adam and Eve's children for something they did not do? How could we come from just two people when it is only possible with all our various genetic make up in the world to have come from a pool of at least 10,000 people?
I found out through my research that the flood of Noah was a plagiarized work from the Epic of Gilgamesh.
I finally clicked on the pre-messiah saviors and was just shocked to find out that many earlier pagan religions had saviors that were very similar to the story of Jesus - a virgin birth, miracles such as making water into wine, dying, dead for three days, and a resurrection. It all stemmed back to the earlier pagan myths of worshipping the sun and I found out that much of the Jesus story is an allegory about the passing of the sun in a year's time.
I was in complete and utter shock to think that something I loved and held so dear for all of my life was in fact not true. I actually went through a grievance period and then my grief became anger that I was lied to for so long. I also had many nightmares thinking I was going to die or burn in Hell for not believing anymore. I still feel deep inside a small fear that I may be committing blasphemy for questioning the Bible, but logic and reason tells me I can't commit blasphemy in an untruth but would be more likely committing blasphemy by believing the Bible was the Word of God with its atrocities and murders being tied to God which is an insult to our Creator and our just Deity.
I have had my own personal revelations that I feel prove there is definitely a loving Deity out there but just not the one depicted in the Bible. I certainly believe in a Creator and Deity. I knew I was no longer or could ever be a Christian again, but did not know what my set of beliefs would be other than agnostic (certainly not an atheist) until I found your Deism website and thought - wow, these people believe the same way as I do now. I was so happy to find people who shared my set of beliefs in a Deity but not the Christian god depicted in the Bible.
I am still in the process of going through the grief and the pain of deconversion and the child indoctrination I received as a child, but finding your website has been a comfort to me. I realize I am not alone in this and I have found your letters from others who went to Deism to be very informative. I realize how wrong it is to believe in Christianity where what you believe is more important than what you do and that salvation only comes through believing in that which is illogical. I feel I have been enlightened and can now think more clearly and logical - not just about religion but in all areas of my life.
I am still learning and will continue to do more research. I want to do good and help others not because of the fear of a Hell or because I am told to do so but because I want to be kind to others simply because it is the right thing to do. I no longer see people as lost sinners worthy of an eternal Hell, but humans who are basically good but yet make mistakes - not mistakes worthy of an eternal Hell though. I try to see the good in people, not the bad. I try not to judge people anymore and am more accepting. I hope being a Deist will enrich my life and the people around me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article.